Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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