38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
