Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
