Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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