Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
