I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
