i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
