i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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