just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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