yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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