to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
