before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
