I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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