Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
