eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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