Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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