I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
