I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
