dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
