the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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