Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize