I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
