Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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