She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Let's get the cat blown out
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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