I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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