And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
