We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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