he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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