I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
