so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize