Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
