just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
