Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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