rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
