You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
