I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He better not be in your backpack
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
