Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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