Plan B is the new Plan A
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
