Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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