Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
