i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
