even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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