You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
