don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
