Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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