If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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