Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
