Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
