No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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