I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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