A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
