i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Even my vagina gasped.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
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