No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
