you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
