my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize