And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize