his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
