i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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