I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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