so that wasnt chicken after all
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
