we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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