my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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