Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize