My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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