oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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