in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
what day is it and did you see me today?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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