I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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