i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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