I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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