Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
These tits shall not be calmed
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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