I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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