I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
