My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
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