It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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