tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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