so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
