Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
