You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
