You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
