Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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